we have a winner

the national democratic party just announced that they will be cancelling the results of the primaries and caucuses in all "insignificant" and "boutique" contests. howard dean said in a press release that: "it is clearly unfair to count the results from these states that have been deemed "insignificant" by hillary clinton, who is one of our most respected party elders and counting results from "boutique" caucuses attended by latte sipping college graduates would fly in the face of democracy. in addition americans abroad and citizens of the US virgin islands need to get real and move back to america if they want their votes to count. once we scrub these erroneous results from the record, it is apparent that we now have a winner in the race for the democratic nomination. hillary clinton and i will appear at a joint news conference this afternoon so that she and bill can accept the nomination."

dean also announced that the national convention in denver will be subdivided so that delegates from "insignificant" states will attend their own convention at the ramada in at the denver airport. "this will avoid any unfortunate incidents at our celebration." he concluded