i hereby un-resign

Republicans See Craig as a Model for Rescinding Resignations

By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
Published: September 6, 2007
Filed at 3:22 a.m. ET

WASHINGTON (AP) – Senator Larry Craig has become a model to a host of politicians and other public officials who have resigned in disgrace. Alberto Gonzalez was the first to step forward this week and announce that: "I have no recollection of having resigned, I am and will be the Attorney General until my dying day. The USA Patriot Act clearly spelled out that this is now a lifetime appointment". Not to be outdone Donald Rumsfeld called a press conference this afternoon to declare that he only ever declared an intention to resign and has actually been on a sabbatical. Rumsfeld intends to resume control of the War Department at the end of September.

Rumors are swirling around the halls of congress that disgraced Senator Bob Packwood (R) of Oregon is conferring with attorneys to see if he can resume office without the annoying formality of an election. Female senatorial aides have started resigning in anticipation of Senator "Goodhands" return to DC.

Perhaps the most startling development came from Yorba Linda California where the Nixon Library sent out a press release that indicates that President Nixon will be resuming office posthumously. Later in the day an attorney representing Mr. Nixon indicated that official tapes of Nixon's resignation speech clearly show that he never actually quit the presidency. "There is a short silence on the tape, which some people claim used to contain the words "I resign the presidency", but I defy those critics to show this in a court of law. Regardless, it is clear that President Nixon never abused the constitution in the way that the current occupant of the Whitehouse does on a daily basis. There is no way that the public would not welcome the return of Richard Nixon, alive or dead, to the presidency at this point". Reporters at the press conference mumbled their agreement and had no further questions. ●